Six months ago, on the 20th March 2017 Leo was born at St. Joseph Krankenhaus, Berlin. Today paternity leave properly starts for me. I've been off work for the last four weeks but I've seldom been alone with Leo. When I have, it's just been for a few hours here and there. This morning my partner left for work at 8am and most likely won't return till 8pm. The 'hand over' period is over, I'm the main caregiver for the next five months.
This is a blog about my experiences as a full time Dad in Germany.
Our situation is far from unique, but it is still somewhat rare (as the comments I receive confirm... more on that later I'm sure) and therefore maybe interesting for someone to read. If not then at least it's a diary for me. A record of a special time in my life.
I'm British living in Berlin. Which maybe makes the situation more interesting. Our set up would be trickier in Britain, where right now the political landscape is chaotic to say the least. Parental rights are not top of the agenda, the 'simple' matter of divorcing the European Union takes priority. As far as I understand, the system simply isn't in place for a Dad to do what I'm doing in the U.K.
My partner is a lawyer at a start up, she's a native German and has spent most of her life here in Berlin. I'm a 33 year old freelance user experience designer. Our annual incomes are roughly the same, which made the decision to share the parental leave 50/50 a lot easier. Neither of us was ever the main bread winner. We are in the perfect position to make the most of an incredible set up for parental leave. Again maybe more on that later, for now I'll get back to today September 4th 2017.
The morning shift, before she leaves for the office, is my partners. She wants to maximize the time she has with him and I like the extra sleep. So at about 8:30 I'm handed a fully dressed, clean and fed baby to start the day with. This being day one, plans are ambitious, I pack a little bag and head over to Friedrich-Ludwig-Jahn-Sportpark with Leo. I lay out a mat and toys for him and I start my first Freeletics workout in months. Within a minute I realized this was an awful idea. It's a beautiful sunny day but the morning grass is still soaking wet and it's just been mowed. Within minutes we're both covered in wet grass cuttings. Tail between my legs we retreat home and continue the work out in the living room.
At about 11:00, after I'd showered and fed Leo a bottle, we headed out. Leo fell straight to sleep in the sling and I sat with him, still asleep, at the playground in Helmholtzplatz. I feel slightly uncomfortable at a playgrounds, he is too small to do anything there, so essentially I'm just hanging about watching the other kids and parents. But it just feels like a nice place to go, so I force myself to get over my British sensibilities. Leo sleeps for about an hour and we head home.
Leo and I play at home for a little bit, then after a lunch of carrot and potato (prepared into a purée over the weekend, jarred up and left in the fridge) we head out again to meet my friend Austin and his daughter Lottie down in Kreuzberg. It's a 30 ish minute tube ride on the U2. The lift is broken at my U-Bahn station and I have to ask someone to help me carry Leo and his push chair up the stairs. A little reminder I'm on my own with him now.
Leo sleeps as we walk from the U Bahn to Austins. I've not seen Lottie for a while and I'm surprised how much she's developed. She crawling about with ease. I'm also surprised how small she is... or rather how large Leo is. There is four months between them but Leo is substantially taller and fatter. Next week we go to the doctors, Leo is to be measured and weighed. That should be interesting, maybe I'll be putting him on a diet!
We head to a place called Familienzentrums Adalbertstraße. Seems like a really fun place. I'm not entirely sure, but it seems to be a government funded family centre. They run a lot of courses and activities for kids, but we simply grab a drink and sit in the garden. The kids roll about on the grass and Austin and I chat about life and work. After a couple of hours, Austins wife arrives to pick up Lottie and we all head off.
I get home at about 17:30 and start the evening routine with Leo. My aim is to be putting him into bed at 19:00, after he's had dinner, a bath and a been read a book. Its soon pretty clear that I've misjudged his level of exhaustion. He's grumpy as I feed him and too tired to eat the porridge/fruit mix he normally has for dinner. (He's also annoyed by a huge bowel movement!) Eventually I give up on the porridge and switch to a bottle which he downs in one. I clean him off, change his nappy and put him into his sleeping bag to screams. This is about as annoyed as he gets. At 18:30 I lay him into his bed, still red faced from screaming. He almost immediately falls asleep.
From now on the days will be a little bit more relaxed. Clearly more nap time is required each day.